19 September 2016
In Chapter 5, Spelman explains the actual meaning of the word “sorry” and the importance of this word. This made me start to wonder, how many times a day do people say the word “sorry”? The word itself has created such a loose term. People everyday say “sorry” like it’s nothing, it just naturally comes out of ones mouth. However, Spelman goes deeper into the meaning of the word in her book Repair, where she explains how much this word actually means and the importance of the word. An apology is something that should be used when full regret, remorse and responsibility is shown. Spelman includes the idea of an apology into a different version of repair. Apologies are used when a special relationship or situation is at risk of being gone forever because of ones wrongdoings. The apologizer needs to express their remorse to repair their relationship once again. If we use the term “sorry” so lightly, how would one ever know the true meaning of an apology?
As we grow, we learn from our mistakes because life is a way of trial and error. Along the way, we mess up and we learn to apologize. These apologies taught us how remorse feels, and what a terrible feeling to endure when a relationship you once cared for might be gone. Throughout our lives, we make friendships with people, some which mean something to us and some that don’t. Once we find those true relationships, we do everything in our power to have a strong and enjoyable relationship. However, everything that means something to a person has its ups and downs. This is because we care so much about the relationship; we never want anything in the way to harm it. I have experienced this when I endured a fight with one of my friends that lasted for several weeks. She became angry with me when I started to be with other people and we saw less and less of each other. At the time, I was irritated that she was mad at me for this, why is it so wrong if I talk to other people?
After weeks of not talking, I finally came to realization of why she was truly mad at me and I felt the feeling of remorse. She didn’t care I was with other people, she was looking out for me because of the people I was with instead of her, she cared for me. At this point, I knew I had to apologize and I learned from my mistakes. Spelman states,
“To apologize to someone is to say that there is a harm worth attending to, a relationship worth mending, a rule worth honoring, a community worth preserving.”
Sometimes we become angry with the people that care most about us because we don’t see it from their perspective, and we don’t think they are looking out for us in the moment. But, those are the people that care most about those and us are the relationships we have to reserve. However, after this I truly apologized and I knew I had to so she could see how serious I was about my apology and how terrible I felt. Spelman states, “he regrets what he has done and feels sorrow over what he has wrought,” and that’s the lesson I learned from this for the rest of my life. We learn the importance of an apology after we have to use its true meaning and after we almost destroy a relationship.